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#1 frankadelli

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Posted 21 May 2006 - 10:09 AM

After reading the World History section, I was sorely unimpressed. I just hope that what is currently posted on the web-site is just a draft because not only is it littered with grammatical errors, but it reads like an Elementary student's English writing assignment. The sentences are poorly worded, the transitions don't work and the overall feel is uninteresting. None of the concepts are creative, or even try to be creative it seems. The story doesn't have to be entirely original, but you can at least try and add some creative flavor to grab the reader's attention. A bland topic can seem interesting if it's written well.

I needed to speak out about this for two reasons: First of all, I think it's safe to assume that this game is being funded. Someone or a group of someones is investing a lot of money into the production of this title. That being said I was shocked to see that quality as poor as this is actually receiving money for production. I find it hard to believe that an investor read that story and said, "Brilliant! I want to see more." Secondly, as a game design student I regularly research game development companies to see what kinds of titles they are producing. This gives me an idea as to what kinds of ideas, and what standards of quality need to be met in order to make it in the industry. I was so surprised that a back story so poorly written as this one was actually a part of a title in development that I had to say something.

I won't go into further detail about how bad the story is in this post, but if after reading it for yourselves you don't see what I'm getting please respond to this post and we can talk about it.

#2 Requnix

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Posted 21 May 2006 - 02:11 PM

The world history was specifically presented in its first version as a template; not a complete compendium. The nearly unlimited directions we can take the game from a historical perspective will come from this core template, but it

#3 Tagrun

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Posted 21 May 2006 - 08:44 PM

---Well hopefully they wont be mad for the changes I made but this will make you happy hopefully---
The History of Andarus
The First Age: A Time Forgotten
Long ago, the world of Andarus was born unto the gods as a gift from the universe. Out of respect to the universe for its gift, the gods blessed Andarus by creating a master race of giants. These ancients were known as the colossus-born. They were the Children of the gods, and were said to be towering creatures of such size and might that they could move the very mountains themselves with only their hands. They built magnificent cities that reached into the heavens, and dug so deep into the planet they not only controlled, but drank of the blood of the earth. When the colossus-born were at war with each other, entire continents broke apart, and the very center of the planet shook with fury.

When the colossus-born thought they had mastered all of the world and all living things, they abandoned their gods, believing themselves to be just as powerful. The gods had no choice, but to strike down a number of the colossus-born as a sign of their superior power, and to serve as a warning. Unfortunately, the gods did not anticipate the response from their creation. Pure focused rage towards the gods and what they had done consumed the massive race. They tore the planet apart in blind rage and fury; if the gods would not recognize their power, then they would destroy their world!

Heartbroken with such a wave of guilt and sadness, the gods responded the only way they could. They struck down the colossus-born; every last one. In an instant, their massive cities, their culture, language, magic, and love for Andarus was gone forever.
The Second Age: Devastation
Andarus had been devastated. The damage was nearly unmanageable. The gods considered abandoning the world, but the remaining tattered remnants of life clinging on just to survive caught their already wounded hearts.

The gods contemplated the source of their now lost children's demise; what mistake had been made? They realized that the mistake had been in creating their children as giants; nearly gods themselves - able to dominate the world any way that they saw fit.

The gods would not make the same mistake again.

It was decided that they would create new races; tough, intelligent, capable races that would help rebuild the world. But what races would they create? Forests needed to be planted, cities needed to be built, oceans needed to be cleaned, animals needed to be controlled, and most importantly, the gods needed to be worshiped.

They created numerous species to test the result of different breeds and environments. They populated the land, water, and air with both animals and sentient beings of all kinds; however most of the sentient beings did not actively work to rebuild the world to the gods wishes because they did not have proper direction. The gods also learned that they would have to create new races that were physically built for specific tasks.
Once the gods saw that their world needed different species to accomplish different feats in rebuilding their world they created the diggers which would dig into mother earth and retrieve materials for building the great cities that would dot their earth. The gods then created the builders who would take earth

#4 Tagrun

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Posted 21 May 2006 - 08:46 PM

My post above, I was just bored so yea...

Anyways just think the history that could be discoverd by us? We make our own history in the game. It is said that it will be in books! So how on earth can they right about us when it hasn't happened?

#5 frankadelli

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Posted 28 May 2006 - 12:17 AM

Thank you all for your posts! First off I am greatly relieved to hear that there is much more to come. I love creative writing and so whenever there's lore in a game I am eager to eat it up. Sigil's Vanguard is going to be a tough competitor in terms of backstory; they have a very large collection and all of it is very well written and quite interesting. I am curious to see the development of this "simplistic" approach you plan on taking in terms of the game's histories and just hope that you strive to keep it interesting. More interesting than "planters" and "diggers" and sentient beings created to "clean up the oceans." It seems that history will play a very large part in this game and I just hope it is up to standards with Vanguard's quality. Which brings me to my question: How will the histories be written? When I read about a dynasty in the library, will I read a boring list of things that happened or will it be written "story-like" with dialogues and exciting uses of possible Crusade vernacular. I think it would be interesting to allow the players to write out an achievement and submit it for archiving in the grand library.

#6 Iago

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Posted 29 May 2006 - 07:35 AM

It's pretty difficult to come up with an MMORPG history that toes the line between derivative familiarity and the just plain weird and obscure. I'll admit that the world history was the last thing that I read on the website. It does need some polish and flavor added to it, but in these early, early stages, it at least conveys the idea behind the game.

With WoW, Blizzard had the huge advantage of developing a game for which a ponderous amount of lore had already been established, with a staff that was probably already steeped in the content throught the strategy games. The timeline document on Blizzard's WoW page is extremely extensive.

I think that for purposes of efficiency, games in early development don't usually tackle lore extensively. The people who develop the lore are often also the game programmers, and when you have investors looking for palpable, visual progress in the project, their time is probably better spent in the code than in writing up lore. I expect that as Quest Online grows to accommodate the project's needs, we'll see more lore coming down the line as they are able to apply the manpower to it.

That said, I also appreciate well-written lore. I think too many game companies have programmers writing up history and quest dialogs and such, and while programming and writing need not be mutually exclusive, I expect that there's probably an untapped resource of powerfully creative people with English degrees who don't get utilized by this industry as often as they should. It's certainly in MY top5 list of dream jobs. :) But I really appreciate the well-crafted dialog of WoW, and when I try out other games and see terrible writing right off the bat, it's a huge turn-off.

So, I'm lenient with Crusade, given their circumstances, but I do expect better in the future. Kudos to frankadelli for his frank (ha ha) assessment of the current lore, though.

#7 dice

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Posted 05 June 2006 - 03:24 AM

Heh. The name... David Allen.

Basically, he's a genius when it comes to writing groundbreakingly original games, loaded with new ideas, and being life-screwingly addictive.

As for Crusade, well, the basic ideas in terms of the game mechanics are already in his head; Crusade will be what we all wish H:EoI was: DA's vision.

If I were an investor looking to make big bucks, I would give DA every cent I had, with free reign to spend it all on whatever he wished - beer if he wanted to - because I know that the beer would somehow turn into an awesome idea that would make me rich.

You, as an aspiring game developer, look upon the information released about Crusade and think "Hmm, underdeveloped and boring..." but if you look upon the information released about the old H (damn, just the immersion of the world.... gah! sorry...) then you will see that the truth is that Crusade is very nearly all designed; now it just has to be made.

Well, of course, I might be wrong (and there have no doubt been a million new ideas in the last 5 years that he will incorporate into his vision) but have no doubt that Crusade will be the most World-Rich, immersive game you are ever likely to stumble across.

And if any venture capitalists are reading this post... give DA your money. All of it. Now. ;-)

#8 Iago

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Posted 05 June 2006 - 02:57 PM

At the risk of getting personal, DA's history is a double-edged sword. Whenever I see a thread about Horizons, half the posters will defend him to the bitter end, and the other half will maintain that it was all his fault. Now, I don't know him from Adam, personally, though I do remember the original Horizon concepts, and they sounded interesting. I know quite a few people who could write up a killer idea for an MMORPG, but probably none that have the resources to see such a task to completion. Obviously, he has enough clout that he got a new company rolling and developing, and I'm sure he has some hard-earned wisdom under his belt.

Personally, I'm glad to see that he doesn't try to make himself a celebrity.. no "DAVID ALLEN PRESENTS" in big letters on the home page, thankfully. While I don't like his games too much, Brad McQuaid seems like a decent guy (we used to play the same MUD, back in the day)... but there's a degree of idolatry going on in the Vanguard forums that is almost painful to observe. I just hope their beta testers are being good testers and not fanboys who won't criticize the content.

Anyway... as I said, writing up lore is probably just not a tremendous priority at the moment. I'm sure most of it is firmly in his head or scribbled down in notepads, pending refinement, but I'm not too worried about it yet.

#9 chef

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Posted 26 July 2006 - 12:28 PM

A serial epic started in the forum by an accomplished writer could lead the community into the story line. Weekly updates in prose, poetry or even comic strip style would work.

In the weeks and months it takes to develop the live game, a great amount of history could be set down in the pages of the forum.

#10 Zheng

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Posted 26 July 2006 - 01:15 PM

...life-screwingly addictive...


Honestly put for many of us gamers. I haven't had a title I've been willing to screw mine up over for some time now. That's unfortunate, but I'm sure another will come around.

#11 Tagrun

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Posted 22 August 2006 - 08:56 PM

Ha! Zheng!

#12 Grimmway

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Posted 28 December 2006 - 01:00 PM

I still have the original HZ magic system post saved to my computer. The cast directions were awesomely complex and unique.

Cast fire range arc etc etc etc..

Wickedly nice.

Grimmway

#13 Jergis

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Posted 12 July 2008 - 05:10 PM

-Not trying to necro too terribly much, but i find it odd that a couple years after the OP many of the grammar and general presentation issues linger, including still referring to game as Crusade along with the other problems. Looking forward to seeing this game develop, but go grab a writer or website editor with the time and education to clean up the site. Money well-spent in the long run, i would think.....Jergis

#14 dog

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Posted 31 July 2008 - 08:10 PM

The world history was specifically presented in its first version as a template; not a complete compendium. The nearly unlimited directions we can take the game from a historical perspective will come from this core template, but it

Why do your posts cut off like this? It's happened to a few of them.

#15 Berek

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Posted 02 January 2009 - 09:35 AM

I am currently updating many of these posts to be complete. There have been a lot of improvements to the system since its inception, but has resulted in a few admin side-effects. Nothing for you to worry about other than curiousity into it ;).




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